I think the "cure" is paying attention to how other people respond to other people in social situation, and what they are responding to (Nonverbal and verbal cues) so that you can better navigate social situations and decrease the negative impact that this has on your social interactive abilities.
I am a psychologist (who has mild Alexithymia) that stumbled on this site while looking up software for teaching kids with Alexithymia to better read faces (A good one is Facesay.) While you may never be like other people, you can limit the negative impact and thus have the choice of how to interact with others in ways that they find more meaningful, which then increases your value to them.
Some might find this disingenuous or manipulative, I would argue that it is functional, much like learning the language if you move to a foreign country. Most people communicate and think in very emotional terms, we need to be able to understand that language.
Hello to all!
I am new to this site-and I'm looking for help. I'm so confused about my boyfriend. I think he is Alexithymic-and I need to know how the loved ones of someone w/Alexithymia survive. Survive without emotional love, emotional warmth, and SEX!
My boyfriend and I have known each other for 40 years. We were best friends-we had everything in common. We'd spend every Saturday and Sunday together just having fun. As time progressed and our hormones started raging, it got a bit more complicated. One night 2 weeks before we graduated from high school, we were to dinner and afterward we went to the lake to talk. Before I knew it, his hand slipped down the front of my sweater--and shocked the fire out of me. I had led a very sheltered life, was shy, and our relationship had been one of friendship up to that point. Anyway, I asked him to take me home. He did. And we were both so embarrassed that we didn't talk about it-for over 30 years.
As time went on, I ended up marrying someone else, had 2 beautiful babies, and tried to build another life. My husband had a HORRIBLE temper and I stayed in that abusive marriage for 29 years. And then one day in 2011, there was a text on Facebook from the man I had always loved. The man I had acted so stupid with at the lake, and who had been in my mind and my heart ever since. As we talked on FB, it was like we had never been apart. Within weeks, I had told him about my abusive marriage and how unhappy I was. And, before I knew it, we were talking very suggestively on FB and our cell phones. I had never talked like that with ANYONE-he brought out emotions in me that I didn't even know I had. Within 2 months of meeting again, we had made plans to meet at a hotel.
The afternoon we met at the hotel was MAGIC! I had never been unfaithful to my husband, but I truly didn't think of it being wrong. He and I had a WONDERFUL afternoon at the hotel. Afterward, I went back to my husband and children, but I couldn't get him and our afternoon out of my mind. We texted constantly, very suggestively, And, we met several more times at the same hotel. We were talking of my leaving my husband, divorcing, and the two of us getting married. Sex, communication--everything-was PERFECT! AMAZING! I left my husband, and my love and I moved in together. And, suddenly, everything changed.
He stopped talking suggestively with me. He wouldn't let me touch me, any intimate body part, at all. He stopped kissing me except for slight pecks. And sex---sex was NON EXISTANT!!! I tried everything---wearing sexy clothing, movies, tying him to the bed to play games--EVERYTHING!!! He isn't interested at all!! I am so confused and VERY frustrated.
The hardest part has been all the times I've caught him online with other female "friends" from his past--other abused women with "difficult" personal relationships--husbands/boyfriends who treated these women terribly. Just like me!!! And then it hit me--part of the attraction had been that he "saved" me from an abusive husband-just like he did with these other women. I caught him constantly on porn sites---and talking to all his old female "friends". He talked to them more than he talked to me. We had many arguments about this---I was completely SHOCKED about the texting/sexting with these other women and on dating/porn sites. And, why he wouldn't touch me--a very willing and able partner sleeping beside him who would gladly participate.
But, I also know that he TRULY loves me. And I TRULY love him. We have so much in common--except for the complete emotional and sexual disconnection!!! It's only been in the last month that I'd heard the term "alexithymia" and I think it matches my boyfriend perfectly!!
My counselor tells me that I need to leave him, even if we truly are in love. I am emotionally and sexually starved. It's been almost 5 years since I've had ANY sexual contact-and I'm about to climb the walls. We do have an appointment next Friday with a psychiatrist who is supposed to help us figure out this "alexithymia" thing and how to proceed. Has anyone on this site experienced this situation? How did the two of you handle this? HELP! I am so confused and feel so alone!