I don’t know
Well I lied I know something
Yesterday I was alone with my sister and I don’t know why but I just started thinking and I realized that I don’t know what I am feeling anymore. All I know is that I feel some kind of weird pressure on my chest. And I didnt realize that until yesterday. And then, I tried to remember when was the last time that I could really know or descubre what I was feeling. I remember it was the last time that I discussed with my father over a year ago. I remember that he said bad things to me and I remember that it hurt me. It was the worst pain that I had ever felt. I remember that it hurt me but I don’t remember how it felt do you understand? I don’t know how to explain it I mean I know that it hurt me but I don’t remember how it felt. And then we didn’t spoke for like a week or more. And the truth is that I didn’t care. I didn’t care that he ignored me or that I ignored him I just go on with my life. Then he felt sick and he almost died
And you know why? I didn’t care too
In that moment I knew something bad was wrong with me but I didn’t put any attention
I can laugh I can cry but I don’t know what I’m feeling you know
I laugh but I don’t feel happy
I can cry but I can’t describe what I feel
Today my dad was going to be operate
And I didn’t care too
I mean I wanted that all went well
But I didn’t feel nervous or interested
Actually I don’t feel interested with no one or anything
I have a sister and I know that I would die for her if it was necessary
But I don’t know
I talk to her I play with her I caressed her because I know that she need that
I spent more time with her than my parents
I also sometimes hug my family cause I know they need that because they are loving people
But I am not and I know that when I don’t accept a hug they feel bad and I don’t want them to feel bad
But is more like mechanic
I know what I have to say I know what I have to do
I never argue with anyone because I don’t care enough
I wasn’t like that before
I know that I felt and ai could know what it was
I know that some time ago I was happy I was sad I was angry I was emotional
I know I was but I don’t remember how it feels
Some friend of mine call me cruel
And I know that I had to feel bad for hurting her
But I didn’t I didnt feel bad and I didn’t feel happy
I just didnt care
If you changed, you can change back too. Have you talked to your parents about this?
Also, I have to ask...is 2010 the year in which you were born?
Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personal trait which affects roughly 10% of the population.
Alexithymia describes the difficulty of people to perceive and describe emotions of others and themselves. Most persons concerned are not aware about this deficit and usually they are just recognizing it in contact with others, especially close friends, within their family or their partner.
These pages should deliver additional information about Alexithymia and offer information for affected persons, relatives and generally interested people.