So I started dating this guy I work with a little over a month ago, and he's great, but I've been having a few issues. Firstly, he's a very emotional and touchy-feely person, and I am not (I got a 142 on the test, if that tells you anything). Constant physical touch frankly kind of irritates me, and I don't know how to tell him that without coming across as rude. Also, while I know that I care about him, every time I try to think about what exactly I feel for him, I end up confusing myself and getting frustrated. I keep wondering whether I should talk about these things with him, but I'm not sure that he'll understand. Should I just bite the bullet and try to talk to him, or would it be best for me to let him figure it out on his own time?
Scoring as you did, you might do some additional research and then tell him.
At a minimum:
- research Casandra Syndrome, specifically emotional reciprocity
- ask him to write down his emotional connection needs, clearly touch is one
- write down your emotional connection needs
- review the lists and discuss with him
My point is that without an emotional connection the individuals will drift and eventually resent.
You need to be honest with your partner, there is a good chance that your Alexi might not change. Look for a traumatic event in you own life and seek therapy if you want to work through it.
My Alexi is in my DNA, so this is not going to change for me. So, i will absolutely be upfront in my next relationship.
Alexithymia - emotional blindness - is a personal trait which affects roughly 10% of the population.
Alexithymia describes the difficulty of people to perceive and describe emotions of others and themselves. Most persons concerned are not aware about this deficit and usually they are just recognizing it in contact with others, especially close friends, within their family or their partner.
These pages should deliver additional information about Alexithymia and offer information for affected persons, relatives and generally interested people.