Thema: Help. Is it really Alexithymia, or is it something else?

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Help. Is it really Alexithymia, or is it something else?
27.07.2024 von Mayajeff2_

Hello, I am a female teen who has been doing some self-reflection lately on how i act and react in different social situations. I started of by asking chat gpt if it had any answers on why I am like I am , they suggested i had traits of this personal trait. I did the test and got 124. Here are the details:
Category: Difficulty Identifying Feelings: 22 (6 - 30)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Difficulty Describing Feelings: 20 (4 - 20)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Externally-Oriented Thinking: 25 (7 - 35)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Restricted Imaginative Processes: 14 (7 - 35)
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Problematic Interpersonal Relationships: 22 (6 - 30)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

Category: Sexual Difficulties and Disinterest: 6 (4 - 20)
In this category you show no alexithymic traits.

Category: Vicarious Interpretation of Feelings: 15 (3 - 15)
In this category you show high alexithymic traits.

I have for awhile now been questioning myself and why i cant feel or show certain emotions or feelings like others, for example i struggle to worry about my friends or people who are in my life. A friend can tell me their grandmother died who meant a lot to them, and honestly i dont feel bad for them at all. I cant feel anything. When a kid comes to me for support when they have hurt their knee, i feel awkward and dont know what to say and i cant tell if i feel empathy or not for the kids pain. I just feel lost. Also, my dad is selling his company to a very big company, i love my dad a lot and yet i could not feel any proudness or happiness for him. I felt lost again, like a bad person even if know deep down im not. When my family plans something fun, like a vacation i cant show any excitment whatsoever.

I have tried many times to show that i am excited for something, but i feel like a fraud and it doesnt feel right, even if i sort of know i deep down am happy/excited. In fact, I dislike expressing my feelings, not only because its difficult and i dont know how, I find it frustrating because people have also told me ive faked feelings when genuinely trying to express them. I also get frustrated by the thought of expressing myself because i feel like they should know what im feeling and i shouldnt need to open up and become vulnerable (Im trying to change this mindset). i have also noticed my impulsive thoughts and how i act on them without thinking about how it might hurt others (like leaving someone suddently, replacing them or not feeling the same about them in just a miniute) until these people tell me how i made them feel, and then i actually feel great guilt and how i want to undo everything and i instantly feel for them again. i think I feel more guilt and regret than a normal person experiences. If i have done something i regret it haunts me for months and i lose apetite, cant sleep, panic attacks and sudden races in heart beat and shaking. So once people actually tell me how they feel, thats when i can act on it and feel something. But i can never put myself in someone elses shoes beforehand, i always see from my own perspective. That way i am very selfish in situations. For example, my boyfriend before we got together confronted me and asked why i act like a robot with no feelings, he told me he wished i cared about him. Instantly after that day i genuinely cared about him more than ever, and i felt like i was finally able to show feelings. I think the way i act has a lot to do about some kind of protection/defense mechanism for my feelings so i dont get hurt and show vulnerability first. But im not sure. I know deep down i have a lot of empathy and feelings, but it is so hard for me to show them. And i also have this huge problem with being able to describe my feelings and put them into words. I asked my boyfriend about this, how people including him are so good at knowing what to say and understanding why and how they feel the way they feel. He said i need patience and experience. But maybe theres something else. I always understand my feelings and i can sort of identify them, but it is nearly impossible for me to accurately describe them. Im honestly just saying everything thats been floating in my head. Honestly, I dont think i have this personal trait, but maybe something else. Because i feel like i do lack empathy and that my struggle of expressing feelings isnt all about a protection mechanism for my feelings. Sometimes i simply feel nothing, even if i wish i could, only sometimes if the person in context mentions my lack of emotion, but not always. Honestly, I just want to know if this is normal or if i might have something because its eating me alive. I want to be able to protect the ones i care about, by knowing why i might not be able to show feelings for them, and so that they know why as well. A reason, an excuse

04.08.2024 von Alexej

Hi and welcome

Be aware that this is a really slow Forum.If you are interested in in finding out if you have autism you might want to check out embrace autism (https://embrace-autism.com/).

I know that Alexithymia is not the same as autism but there is a high correlation between the two. (I am diagnosed autistic and have co-occurring alexi) This site has some good stuff on alexi as well.

I am also on the forum - https://www.autismforums.com/ which you might want to have a look at.

14.10.2024 von Flow223

Hello. The first thing to say is that being a teenager is really confusing. I am ancient (59 next week) but I still remember the turmoil, vividly… The stuff you are feeling now won’t last forever, honest! And it’s really great that you are starting self enquiry/Self reflection already - You stand a good chance of being a lot wiser than most people by the time you’re my age!

The second thing to say is that Alexithymia is a symptom not a condition. Like any other symptom, it can be a sign of very different things… Just like if you have pain in your stomach, it can be anxiety or indigestion or constipation or stomach cancer… You have to look at other factors in your life, and probably have more tests, to work out what is going on or which is most likely.
Alexithymia is linked with some different conditions and experiences, including ADHD, Autism, PTSD, stress, and all sorts of experiences of trauma including abuse, rape, domestic violence (witnessing it as well as experiencing it)…
If any of those apply to you, it is probably worth exploring this some more. If you are in the UK you can get an NHS referral from your GP to talking therapies, or look for charities that offer counselling, as a starting point.
But if none of those circumstances seem relevant, then it might just be worth waiting a couple of years, to see if your feelings change. Good luck!

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