I just find out I'm dealing with this. It hurts.
27.01.2014 von RottenHeresyHi everyone. I'm a 19 years old girl that just discovered she will never be honest with herself, unable to feel right with anything. I am always confused about my feelings, they are so strong but they disappear so fast...I really don't know how to do. Is there any solution? Any emotional education system?
I'll tell you my experience.
I found this out so late...I'm sad. I'm into a long-distance relationship with a boy I met two years ago, and he changed my life. Or so I thought...we just started to hang out together again. He's smart, and really cultured. He's into psychology and sociology and many other things. He decided to try to "elevate" my status in the society, since I became really introvert and anti-social in these 2 years. But then...about an hour ago, I connected the dots.
He made me notice, quite upset, that when we hang out yesterday I didn't look out for his sight when I was on the train leaving the city. I tried to justify myself, saying that it was just 'cause I didn't see anything from the window, but he said that he was watching me all the time and I haven't even tried. And...I don't know, why does this hurt him so much? I can't understand...
In general, he thinks I'm icy even if I really try my best to show emotions and to explain them to him. I really do.
After this, I starded to think about my previous relationships, and I spotted out that my feelings are really moody, and sometimes even fake. I think I convince myself that I like someone, sometimes.
I'm sad, upset. Why should this happen to me? For once in my life, I really care about someone.
But I'm a disaster.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for possible mistakes, I'm from Italy.
Maybe this will help
06.02.2014 von TheHumbleman
I'm kind of having the same thing about legitimately caring for someone for the first time as well - My girlfriend. I would recommmend reading my posts under the "Any way of logically beginning to understand personal feelings?" tab if you haven't already. As of now, I'm still looking for the time to finish it because it's essentially my "complete guide" to dealing with Alexithymia and while take a while to complete. It might help, hopefully... Probably.. XD. But yeah, check it out if you haven't already.
Run away from guys trying to 'elevate you'
11.02.2014 von carol67
When we get sucked into a relationship we undergo all sorts of hormonal changes that make it feel really important to stay with the people we are dating. In reality though, the majority of the people you meet you aren't going to be compatible with for the long term--obviously right? A lot of people do a lot of dating but we only 'settle down' with one person. The fact that this guy wants you to be a different person than you are means he isn't the right choice for you--you don't need elevating, you are fine as you are. 'Smart and Cultured' are just attitudes people adopt to get along with other people who consider themselves smart and cultured--it doesn't actually mean much more. If you don't look out the window and gaze at him as he gazes at you that is just how you are and that is totally OK--the fact that he wants to dictate how you are is not OK. Until you meet the actual real live 'right' person you are going to sometimes feel like your feelings for guys you are attracted to are shallow, moody and even sometimes fake--that's OK, that's part of maintaining social relations with people. You have the absolute right to your emotions--deep or shallow, other people don't have the right to demand you express different emotions to fit their wishes. I've been where you are now, This guy isn't the right guy for you, he is controlling, and trying to manipulate you. You want him right now, but I recommend you let him know that you are grateful for your experience together, but you will be moving forward and continuing your search for someone who is worthy of sparking deep emotions in you.
I want to thank you both
27.02.2014 von RottenHeresy
...for your suggestions and for reading my post. I'll listen to what you said...even if it hurts because I like him and everything. It's true, maybe he isn't the right one and I haven't considered this option. Things are going really bad, we had a great couple of weeks and then I made another "mistake" and if it keeps going on like this, I'm going to go nowhere. So if it doesn't get any better I'm going to give up...
Thanks again.
