Thema: UNKNOWN mood swings???

hey, I can sort of relate.
In my actual life I never cry - even when family members have died and I know I feel sad. Crying just isn't my natural response, and I can be very introverted at these times. However, watching sad or sentimental films usually does make me cry, and I've always felt more emotional about other people's lives than my own.

But every now and then when I am stressed or under a lot of pressure, I will get huge, unprovoked outburst of crying, usually if I have had a drink and my inhibitions are down. Sometimes no one can stop me crying, and this has lead to panic attacks followed by feeling exhausted and falling asleep.

I think your body knows what you need, which is the emotional outlet for all of the feelings you haven't expressed physically, even though you might not be able to do it yourself.

On another note, I have trouble with laughter. I understand a lot of jokes, but I often find them predictable, or I have seen the joke coming so I don't laugh out loud very often. I don't do it on purpose. Things that are really unexpected or childishly silly are more funny to me and make me laugh a lot. Anyone else noticed they don't laugh very much?

I understand how confusing the mood swings are. It seems to never have anything to do with my general mood that day, I think it's possible that any bad or stressful things that happen over time just build up, and the only way to deal with it physically (because dealing with these things emotionally isn't an option) is to cry and just feel entirely overwhelmed. In terms of actually crying, it's definitely become one of those "necessities" that just sometimes have to be faked. I totally agree with hwhittle's sentiment: "I think your body knows what you need, which is the emotional outlet for all of the feelings you haven't expressed physically, even though you might not be able to do it yourself." It's hard to trust our abstract minds, but our body and brain can be a sort of resource for working out some of these issues.

I think having alexithymic traits inherently makes it really difficult for people to see that we're struggling with being able to articulate our emotions to ourselves, not just to others. This makes it especially difficult to gauge what other people would see as "normal" mood swings and emotions. I totally understand feeling "crazy and irrational", and I wonder how much of this is brought on by our own biology, or how much of it is brought on by how we've individually been socialized to react to certain situations. I completely agree with both of you, and I think this forum could be an outlet to help us learn to better describe what we feel (or don't feel, in most cases).

I also feel that I don't genuinely laugh very often - most of the time it is forced. I always attributed it to a very specific sense of humor or just a general lack of excitement for happy and joyful things, and I much prefer unexpected tom-foolery. Sometimes I worry this comes off as pretentious or standoffish, but what exactly is a girl supposed to do?

I get this. I think my outlook has been affected by the fact I am pretty sure I have autistic traits because I don't get jokes anyway and a lot of the time people don't realise that humour isn't reaching me because I'm trying so hard to keep my attention from slipping away because of noise/their accent or whatever. But apart from this I've been struggling to explain how I'm feeling to GPs and stuff because I was getting pretty depressed(the main justification I use for this is, of course, based on poor concentration and exhaustion plus thoughts I have rather than feelings) and yet I usually don't even care if I'm crying because I don't feel like I am depressed. It's such a weird combination...but yes, my laughs and tears all feel so fake and all they're really doing is throwing me into anxiety trying to work out why I should be laughing or crying. It's infuriating. Not that I have a diagnosis or anything that would make me feel like an authority or someone who can give advice either but I did get a bipolar referral too so yeah I get why you're confused about mood swings.It's so confusing trying to work out if I was happy at a particular time. I mean, that is an emotion I definitely can't recognise. I would think it would feel too confusing to suddenly start to feel like a "normal" person since I've gotten so used to being cold and logical and successful as a result. Although nowadays people don't think I'm that cold, The idea of the body needing a release is nice, but I have to say I often feel like I can't keep the tears coming when I really want them. On another of these forums I read about someone describing using others in the same situation as they were to feel their emotion through and I think that's my version of a release. I have a LOT of empathy for things I read and watch I think, although it never translates into the real world. There's that thing about needing a context you can understand which I definitely agree with, except that with funerals I completely agree, it's easy to just think well they're dead now...This is coming from a pessimist with a bleak view of the world though. I think the real problem with dealing with our moods is that we have no idea what our goal should be. By saying you're having strange mood swings you immediately ask the question of what exactly is a normal mood after all, and that's something which we can't decide on for ourselves.

Sorry I realised I can't edit this.

Basically I looked at my post just now and realised how much it looks like I'm hyper or something! I'm afraid my posts are coming out a bit weird because of the fact being depressed is making me lose focus while writing a lot, so sorry if it's a bit of a pain to read/rambly.

I have always been numb to emotion, I have felt like something was wrong with me my whole life I have taken just about every anti depressant medication there is and I finally gave up on going to a psychiatrist because I can never seem to explain what I'm feeling to them and they always blame depression I am generally a happy person because I just don't let things affect me I could care less if someone likes me or not if someone leaves my life it really doesn't matter I just continue my normal routine I don't have many friends by choice because most people irritate me I am a very controlling person and I don't do well in relationships because I dont know what people want from me its always the same complaint that I don't care I try to show emotion but I feel like a robot just going through the motions I like to work a lot because people at work don't care about my life or how i am we laugh and joke and then go home with no problems or worries of one another I don't like people trying to pry into my mind or trying to figure out what I'm feeling i dont like having to talk to someone about why I'm upset or angry or sad I just am and I will get over it I have had a lot of trauma in my life and I learned a long time ago how to stay numb sometimes I wish I felt more emotions but mostly I like being the way I am because I see through people's bs and people can't screw me over I'm glad I found this site it's good to know there are other people that are this way i dont if I consider this a blessing because I can't be hurt by anyone or a curse because I will never have a true emotional connection with anyone

ToniRose92, I read another thread where the posters were describing delayed emotional responses; e.g., one poster said it took her two weeks to have an emotional response to an event. This was weird enough for me to look up the symptom; listed as a symptom of PTSD on Wikipedia. When you said you were diagnosed with PTSD, I immediately thought you might be posting about delayed reactions.

Another thread I read, was about what elicited an emotional response in people who usually don't have any emotional reactions; something I related to. I felt uncomfortable admitting it at the time I read the thread (so I didn't post), but posted in another thread that I feel upset when I lose a pet.

If I had delayed emotional reactions, then I could lose a pet and then start feeling upset two weeks later while watching a comedy on TV; it would seem like a mood swing. I'm not saying that this is happening to you (its never happened to me, I just made up a scenario - I rarely have any emotional reactions, and they're not delayed), but it's an example of a faux mood swing (one that is possible from what you've said about yourself). Maybe you're not actually having mood swings, but they would appear to be mood swings to somebody who actually experiences NT emotions (like the doctor you mentioned in your post, probably does).