Thema: On the brink

How much does she know about your condition? Do you have kids together? I'm new to this as I literally discovered that I had this 1 hour ago for the past 25 or so years. I learned to deal with a lot of it by trial and error, though. First off, I think you should try to explain to her the meaning of your actions, spell out loud why you do the things you do. Despite you being hard and unattentive I don't think you don't care about her, otherwise, you would just drop the matter like I did, I cut all my relations short and just felt better after, not having the hassle to deal with it. Doesn't mean I didn't had an interest in them, I just was unable to have that interest constantly and I would forget. As long as you keep why you do what you do silent you will go nowhere. She also has to learn to spell it out for you (in term of her own needs) and must learn not to be angry at you for your inability to anticipate these needs. If you both can't come to a consensus and accept these limitations you just won't make it as a couple. Sometimes cutting ties is the only solution for everyone happiness. Of course, if you have kids it makes things harder... and being alone is not so easy at first.

Me and my wife had a good talk about everything that has been taking place. Not really a "happy" conversation considering it's Christmas Eve... I can't just automatically change who I am and it it unfair for me to treat her in a detached manner if I do love her. She told me that maybe she thought from the beginning that she could change me and that her flaw is that she places others needs above her own. When all I do is suppress what emotions I have and don't really give her enough attention it is a double edge sword for her. Guilty is all that I have felt in the past month knowing she feels like she's on the back burner. There is just no way I can make her happy if I am not happy myself. This sucks. Christmas Eve and I had a divorce talk with my wife.

You shouldn't have to change who you are.

You said that your wife thought she could "change" you. I'm female. I know about thinking you can "change" someone.

I couldn't, she can't.

Either she needs to stop thinking she can "change" you.... or....... the other option, the "D" word.

Sorry to be harsh..... but the "Wife thinking she can change you" put a flag up for me.. I have been there.

If you have to go the "D" route.... keep in mind it's NOBODY's "fault" per se.......

I can appreciate your sentiment of the "D" word. It makes my stomach turn thinking about it, but I can't ignore facts like I can ignore my feelings. Ive put her through it this long I think the only FAIR thing to do is let her have her way, that is, to not have to put up with my sh*t anymore. We love each other but it's not the kind of love she requires. I cannot provide that. I provide love through acts of service. She requires affection. DAILY. Not just sex, mind you. I'm not wired that way and am quite certain that NO amount of therapy will help me change course for it. BUT if therapy helps me better understand myself and why I do what I do, then I'll do it for me. Going to marriage counseling under a false pretense of fixing "US" won't help. Not before I help myself. If my marriage was damned from the beginning then the fault only lies with our own character flaws. I can't point a finger at her and say, "You did XYZ..." and she certainly can't do it to me. We haven't DONE anything but be ourselves and it took us this long to realize we can't go the distance like this. The thing that hurts the worst is that I wish we had realized it sooner. Not to say my time with her was a waste, just a painful lesson in life.