Topic: How are you?

on who is asking...

'I'm faking it well today'. O well, maybe this one'd be the most honest answer of all. Aren't we faking our whole life? I don't know. Do you like poetry?

'A fake is a fake is a fake' (not the best one, I know...)

Not for friends and family. If I had to fake it around them it would make our lives much more distant. And the thing I fake is caring about the minutiae of everyday life that consumes 99% of peoples conversations.
I used to write poetry occasionally, but after joining a band I write songs instead. It's basically the same thing, but with a beat to it. I haven't read much poetry myself though. I prefer clever writing over pretty prose, but it doesn't hurt to have both.

What I write is supposed to be songs, too. I know it, but I don't know how to write melodies (yet?). We will see. 'Snow White' is also a poem/song, actually ;). Just that about the nick...

It's much easier to write music once you learn how to play an instrument. I am by no means a talented musician, but I come up with bass lines by just playing around with the bass. When I eventually do something that sounds good to me then I record it or write down the tabulature for it. If you put in enough time plucking away at it then eventually something interesting will come out. Sometimes I try to come up with music to go with words I already have, sometimes I try to make words fit the music.
My name on here is actually the name of my band.

My standard answer for friends, family and random strangers is always, "Not too shabby." It's both unusual enough and upbeat enough that people always leave it at that. Sometimes they'll laugh or smile, and they never press me for more information. Which is nice. I say it often enough that it could be my catch phrase. Maybe my friends are selfish, but I've found that they would much rather talk about their own feeling anyway. Which is why my follow up question is usually, "How are you?" or, "What's shakin'?" Then they tell me all about themselves ,and I never have to worry about how I am.

I might steal the faking it well today response, though. It is a lot more honest than my preprogrammed response.

I usually say "I'm not dead yet." It's honest enough and people don't question my choice of words. I think they assume that I mean it as a joke.

"I'm doing well, and yourself?", is my standard response to questions like that. I feel like very few people ask how you're doing because they genuinely want to know, those that I do feel ask for that reason, usually close friends, get my real answer - "I'm OK, not bad but never better." That's usually when they crack a joke about me being monotone like a robot. Friends, gotta love 'em<3

I have come to the conclusion that this question is simply a euphemism for "Hi", so many times I'll say "hi" back or something arbitrary. Other times, I'll respond with an obscure answer like "Yup" to see if indeed they actually care, or if they're just saying hi. Or I ask them to rephrase in a close-ended question like "what have you been doing this week?" simply because that enables me to create a conversation with direction that doesn't rely on how I feel but what I'm doing.

There are some who refuse to ask, and other's that think I'm just being difficult, but in all honesty, the answer to "How are you" is "I'm not". It's not like I don't know, or that I do know and i can't think of the right words. I honestly am not, that's the best way to relate how I feel. And like has been said in other posts, I really don't care, but not in the negative angry sense.

In the end it's something that I understand I won't ever be able to relate to people, and at the same time, I will always be put in that sort of situation. So similar to having a large birthmark, i know I'm odd, and people know it too. Once we're over that hurdle, we can move on.

If it's an acquaintance or other non-close person, I will act happy and say "okay" or "good" and sometime inquire after them.
if it's someone i know well, who is genuinely asking about my mental health, i will say "fine" and ignore their attempts to engage me in conversation, as it makes me annoyed. which usually gets me in trouble with them. my mom gets upset when i'm unresponsive. but then if i say "i don't know" to a "feeling" question, my parents and every therapist i ever had would be angry with me for not knowing how i feel.
it makes me feel conflicted, i think. i have no need to answer such a question. why is it so important for people to ask me all the time and expect me to keep lying? i know what people want me to say, and everyone mostly says the same thing to that question, so why do they find it meaningful to act concerned?

I realized when I was really young that I didn't have emotions like everyone else, so I grew up faking emotions because it benefited me and help me fit in. This also means that my friends and family don't realize the extent to which I don't care, we joke about me being "emotionless" but they don't know that it's literal.

Faking is so natural that I respond the way anyone else would, I say "just really tired" "i'm good" "fine" pretty much anything that I think would be appropriate.

I HATE being asked "How are you?" Only because no one really cares to hear the answer, so I consider the question a waste of time. If I am asked the question, I respond with, "Well, I had the flu for a week, now I'm over it, except I got a few sniffles....."

Let's just say, I go into exquisite detail and the person learns never to ask me this again.

When I call someone on the phone, I usually just "state my case then get off the phone." I have been called "unfriendly" for doing this. I'm not trying to be unfriendly. I just consider the "how are you" question to be trite and a waste of time when I don't know someone.

I HATE being asked "How are you?" Only because no one really cares to hear the answer

Same here. People only ask it to be polite. I do the same thing though, I always myself greeting someone with "Hello, how are you?" it's a habit.


I say "well", because that's what people want to hear then you can move on to the real conversation you want to have. But really I'm not feeling well, or bad, or anything really. But I still always answer with "I'm doing well."

I find this enquiry to be rather rude. Anyway, it depends on context. Cashiers/ shop people/randoms, I too take it as just another form of saying hello, so I respond with hello and just ignore the rest. That seems to satisfy. With family, I shrug and say "oh you know." Which basically means [insert your interpretation of my behaviour here.]
Only been called out on that once when someone said "no I don't know, I never know how you feel about anything."
I narrowly avoided saying "no kidding, me either."

If asked this, i tend to think people really want to know so i told them what's going on and they tend to come back with a comment on not being my therapist or me needing one.

recently I've gotten tired of that so i just say "i'm okay" or "Bored but good" and turn the conversation back to them

I always want the other person to find a more intellectual question to ask, not this one. It is trite, the other person doesn't really care how you "are."

But, to make a point, I either make up something, or exagerate something already going on and go on and on and on about it to the point where the other person has a bewildered look on their face.

But they NEVER ask me that again!

Try saying "terrible" or "awful, thanks", with a big smile - it's no less fake than "fine, thanks" but a lot more fun! Becoming a standing joke at work, but relieves the stress of genuinely struggling to actually answer what I find an awkward and often trivial question

Other than my doctors, the only person I have told about my mental health is my brother. So he gets all of my "I don't know"s.

Everyone else gets "about as good as I can expect." I think it's still truthful.

"Not so bad; yourself?" - Said in an upbeat manner and emphasising the question so as to put focus back on the other person and hopefully avoid having to really try and explain how I am. On occasion if it's someone I'm quite well acquainted with I'll give them the honest answer which is usually half an hour explaining how various chronic health issues are affecting me. This doesn't go well.

if it's someone I'm quite well acquainted with I'll give them the honest answer which is usually half an hour explaining how various chronic health issues are affecting me. This doesn't go well.

I do this if I want the person to NEVER ASK ME THAT QUESTION AGAIN!!!!

if i'm honest i actually think most people don't 'feel' anything when responding to this question. it's just a weird conversational habit. i don't think it's something that is constricted to people with alexithymia, although i think perhaps we do find the question more difficult to answer, uncomfortable, annoying etc.

i just respond with the standard 'i'm good', or if i know i'm actually not ok and i'm with close friends then i'll probably just go straight into what is making me not ok. in fact, i see this question as a conversation opener for 'what have you been up to?' so i sometimes i'll just answer with what i've done recently, or what's been on my mind at the time (impersonal things).