Topic: Do you guys struggle with expressing the feeling you really want to

HI and welcome to the Forum

Seems like you are in a really tough place. Explaining emotions is really hard at times.

I feel like a lot of my life has been going through the motions without any real idea what I was feeling. Super intense emotions are easy to peg, but all the ones in-between are really a mystery. I really want to understand this better. I want to feel what other people feel. I think I had a pretty traumatic childhood and I just learned to suppress my emotions for the most part. I don't trust easily. I've been betrayed by people I thought were supposed to be there for me. Anyway, yes, I am someone who struggles to express my everyday emotions. I was married and got used to sharing my life with someone and when she left, I felt so alone. I miss having someone who is there for me.

Ok, so I got therapy where I was supposed to integrate emotions, and it did more harm than good. My life has been a living hell since therapy. And this emotional “integration” has been hell. I prefer disregarding them.

But disregarding them was how I got into abusive relationships.

Fudge, at least I was not suffering. Rejection… more extreme that disappointment.

Would probably have been to good to identify and prioritize those negative feelings. Rejection isn’t one you have the power to overcome on your own, though, so there was no avoiding it, just choosing between which flavor of snot sandwich you could stomach. Or obligation.

Friggen hate emotions. All of them. Life would be better without them.

Sorry to hear that the therapy was counter productive.

Life (emotional life especially) can just suck simply because everyone wants the same thing - to experience sharing in emotions with another but also to experience emotions simultaneously with another person - sometimes I feel like people are sucking emotions out by looking at the character of a person without affirming that persons character and that dynamic they share as to be the observer of one another and consequently I feel they are abusing that privilege by taking motivation from that persons character to enhance their own emotions and life. This devalues one’s emotional life as not relevant to the formation of their own character - but whose in this re-presentation ? Which one ? When our emotions don’t matter in one sense that means they must matter all the more in another sense and we can take note of that sense that is of more value than the other and be compassionate to the emotional state of the person less valued emotionally at that moment. Compassion has deep importance and meaning and sometimes it’s at work and working well just in the background.

I find it extremely hard to put words to what I feel because 1) I don't know what I feel,it's more like a faint outline of a feeling and 2) I know the feeling if far more complex than any words I know and if i try to think of any my mind goes black as if none of them fit. It's like in my head there's a bunch of squiggly lines in different places moving around and I'm aware their doing something but I just don't know what or why, its like this all the time even when I'm not responding to something in particular, their constantly in the background and I'm guessing it's because I am generally unhappy about something, even labeling my feelings as "unhappy" feels wrong, when I typed it I got a weird body sensation, like a drop in my chest. These body sensations always happen when people ask me how I feel. I also feel that sometimes my emotions must be really strong because the have physical effects on me but I just don't know what the feeling is, its like I'm tied to a lump of lead but I don't know it's lead. This does make me feel lacking in some sort of way as if I'm missing out on something that would make life a lot easier. This also makes me constantly in a state of dissociation/detachment from myself. Often I get episodes where I feel like I'm observing the world around me as if it were a simulation or dream. Sometimes I completely shut down and other times its as if my soul is observing my brain ( like I'm watching myself make decisions). This is very difficult for me and I don't want to be like this because it's very hard to live everyday in a state of..... I don't know what I can't explain what state I'm in, I don't have the words. I hope that explains it.

Hi @User52b58D3b

What you are describing sounds just like alexithymia to me. That name may not help much in your daily life, but you are not alone in feeling this.

Alexej

To the person above Alexej I also feel the same thing in my chest when I get asked about my emotions. I have a really high score and when I read your post I thought that I also feel those things. I am new to the forum and before this I have always thought that something was wrong with me and so did other people it made relationships really hard. I also have a hard time feeling (you know that feeling when you are with someone that you love very much and you just want to hug them forever and you can’t express how much you love them, I don’t know what it’s called) I have never felt it with my family only with my dog. It has been very hard with me and my emotions. I hope this helps!