Topic: Just beginning to come to terms with this thing...

Ok. I'm not a diagnosed alexithymic, nor do I know if it can ever become so but I have a gut feeling (that i cant describe, ha) that makes me feel like I might be alexithymic.

I just recently talked with my mom. I'm currently a sophomore in college and she's set me up with a therapist to talk about my feelings and shit. Anyways, she brought up a story about one time when I was 3. I bit another child on the face, to the point that I might've broken skin. I say might've because I have no recollection of this event. Later I was sent to a psychologist who told my mom that me biting may be a subconcious way of me saying that I have trouble expressing feelings.

I've often felt the urge to bite people in tough situations.

I can recall one instance where I bit a girl while playing with a ball. This was in 8th grade. If I can recall it correctly (my memory isn't too good) there was one of those big yoga balls and I was bouncing around on it. She came up and somehow she ended up with the ball, so instead of asking for it back, I , for some reason, bit her. This instance reminds me about the time when I was 3 because back then it also was over a toy too. Something about a truck.

Then after she told the story, it dawned on me. Might this apathy be more severe than I had played it to be?

I can remember the last time I cried. It was 5 years ago. I haven't cried since. Not even when I get "Sad". I cried because my parents grounded me for having a bad report card. No snowboarding, no Halo, no Wii. The 3 big sources of entertainment in my life were taken from me. I dont remember if I bit anything but I'm pretty sure I contemplated suicide and running away.

And also for example, whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, I always say "Good" even if I'm not. Even with my parents. I tend not to tell them anything because they complicate things.

I'm going to talk with my therapist about this in a couple of days, see what she thinks. I just want some feedback, god dammit, i dont care what- just something, anything right now.