Alexithymia is a great personality trait to have!
14.06.2015 by alex46I just found this site and the online test. It's great to know the name of one of my favorite personality traits!
I see a lot of posts here that sound scared, frustrated and even desperate for help. If you are seriously depressed or if you feel this personality trait is ruining important aspects of your life, well, then you should definitely seek help. Depression is a real (and treatable) disease. Alexithymia, on the other hand, is just a personality trait...
It's like being introverted or extroverted. You wouldn't take an online test for introversion and then freak out, "Hey, I just found out I'm introverted. Please help me get rid of it!" It's just a personality trait. Everyone's got some spectrum of personality traits and we ALL figure out ways to work around them in various situations in life. Everyone is "faking it" in some situations in their life. It's just not a problem.
In fact, I'd argue that Alexithymia is a great personality trait to have. You'll see many posts here about how good we are at listening to friends problems and offering objective advise. I like being able to do this for friends. Seems easy for us to see past the emotional fog, but this isn't easy for most folks. I also like having a relatively stable emotional life. I don't have nearly as many ups and downs as my friends and family. What a blessing!
Now, if you are still young, maybe even up to late twenties and early thirties, you might be seriously frustrated by your Alexithymia because you don't match up with popularly advertised personality types (i.e., those on TV and in movies). These mascots for "normal" saturate a lot of media and make most people feel inadequate or that their lives are not fulfilling. Well, this again applies to everyone, not just us. We've got to figure out what REALLY makes us feel satisfied and fulfilled and set our life goals accordingly. Those of us with Alexithymia might not, for example, be built for emotionally-rich relationships (a lot of posts here are about relationships, that's for sure). Well, is that really what YOU want and need from life? Or is it just what you feel is expected from you? Again, as personality traits go, this is just one aspect where we've got a bit more work than other perhaps, but everyone has to figure these things out.
On the whole, I love being Alexithymic. I've learned to fake what I need to fake and even try to balance it out in some cases, but most of the time I just thrive with it. I would NOT trade it in for the chaotic, hormone-driven, emotional psychosis most people seem to suffer from, that's for sure!
I agree in some ways
12.07.2015 by ScottMillican
Alex46, I really like your take on this. As someone in love with an Alexi, I truly do recognize the benefits that this trait can bring. My girlfriend is extremely even keel; the couple of times when I said something to upset her, she took her time identifying what I said and why it made her upset, then brought it to me in a factual way. It really disarmed me and made me want to come to a solution together. In previous relationships, my partner would come at me emotionally and I would be defensive or shut down. She doesn't have to mode that many women have where they expect their mind to be read or get frustrated when their "signals" aren't getting through. She says exactly what she means; no more, no less.
My GF leads a very fulfilling and rich life. I think maybe some might be quick to think that Alexis are automatons, but it's really not the case.
I do however, have concerns about being able to have my emotional needs met. It sounds selfish, but I don't think I'm a taker at all in our relationship. It frustrates me when my GF doesn't acknowledge acts of kindness or things I do for the relationship. It's kind of sad to know that she won't be very comforting if I have one of those really crappy days. Do you think thats something that can be learned from her end or worked around from mine?
Tired of faking it....
04.08.2015 by DXS
On the whole, I love being Alexithymic. I've learned to fake what I need to fake and even try to balance it out in some cases, but most of the time I just thrive with it. I would NOT trade it in for the chaotic, hormone-driven, emotional psychosis most people seem to suffer from, that's for sure!
I learned this "faking it" thing too! I "faked" relationships. When a guy would start to have feelings for me, I faked the feelings back. I was "in love" with the fact that a guy like me, not the guy himself. I'm tired of "Faking it" so I haven't dated (by choice) for years.
Although I agree with the chaotic hormone driven emotional cycles...... I'm glad not to have that issue. In fact, menopause was a breeze for me! Hot flash? what are those? I still don't know. I had the monthly thing, then I didn't. Simple.
Alex46
20.08.2015 by Clink
I enjoyed your post very much.
what's the alternative
21.08.2015 by Stanno
I agree it's overall a good trait because what's the alternative - to live your life influenced by emotions that have evolved over aeons in different contexts to modern day living. i would rather be rational.
I agree it is a good trait. I like that it doesn't get in the way of things. I don't think with my emotions or feelings and manage to think with a clear head.
But at the same time it is a problem when I can't cry or show sadness during my grandmother's funeral
I know right! I agree, it is certainly a great trait to have, and would argue that in particular contexts an advantage in overall wellbeinging. So here's to happy alexithemics.
pro v con
20.10.2015 by qdowg
This is an interesting read, i can certainly agree with some points raised, however, alexithymia has cost me 2 marriages and i would love to be able to go back 5 years with the knowledge of this subject i have now. Some people that suffer from alexithymia do have feelings that relate to love, they do feel love, they are not cold or uncaring, it appears that way because they cannot process their feelings and express them the way they want to. The brain locks them away and leaves the sufferer mute and frustrated. Long term this drives an incurable gap between two people. I have recently told my wife about this, its now clear why i struggle to mix socially with her friends and seem uninterested when she has a bad day. It seems that there are advantages and drawbacks to this. I feel good about the fact that i don't let everyday things get to me but i feel awful that my wife thinks that she can no longer be with me.
