Topic: Hello all

My recent Ex boyfriend accused me of having Alexithymia I only got 109 on the test but I did not like all the questions.
I know what all feelings are, I can describe feelings and identify them in others I do have empathy for people .. However, I DO NOT physically feel. I am indifferent. I do not form emational attachements to people or animals. I can like them I can enjoy them I can get angry at people but ususlaly its mental I get frustrated in the dating world I find people so juevenile and disrespectful. But in a relationship men seem to fall had and fast and when they look for validation or love from me I let them go. I do not feel love. I do nto want to be responsible for someone else's happiness. I think Happiness is a choice and we make our own happiness, we can not get it from somone else.

I do have down mental moments and once every year or so I cry. SO this would lead me to believe I do have some feelings. I feel lonely alot. I feel like I am an outsider looking. I have A LOT of friends and aquaintences I am a very positive and social person. I just do not connect emotionally with people. I feel left out or disconnected when I am around people.

So dear group memebers... is that what you feel like? Do you all think I am Alexithymic?? If so is there treatment or coping excercises or is the my life? Endless lonliness and despair until I die?

Thanks

I recognise a lot of what you posted. Not everything, but Alexithymia is a personality trait which is different for everyone so that's not surprising.

What is surprising is that you say you don't form attachments to people yet also feel lonely. I would have thought that one required the other! I can't say I've ever been lonely even for one moment.

Treatment / coping exercises for me have been discovering what's missing in my head, then working out what fills that gap in other people's, and armed with that knowledge playing their game with them. It's pretty easy once you get into the groove and find the right people (i.e. not crazily-extroverted ones). I no longer think of myself as an intruder into their lives but as someone who can legitimately contribute to them. I've never had to worry about men wanting validation from me though! :P

I guess it would be different for everyone, like the previous said. For me it's I know what emotions are, I've seen enough people experience them. I really don't get any feelings though, I understand I'm happy because I'm smiling, I understand I'm said because I'm crying. But I don't really feel anything, most of the time it just feels like there is something there and I'm not able to label it or know what it is but depending on the physical reactions I'm able to understand what the emotion is to a certain extent, I apologize if I'm not making any sense. But like I said before for me it's like hey I'm smiling, I guess I'm happy. That's what everyone else says they are when they smile. I have no emotional attachments, I've lost two very important people for me so far, at their funerals, I cried and ect. But all that was running through my mind is I don't feel sad or depressed, but I have to continue acting like I am, so people won't look at me weird. Sorry about all my rambling.

I'm not very good with relationships, everyone says I'm a great person, very social and great to be around. But like my ex said to me I'm not the type of person that can't meet her emotional needs since she's been able to tell that I'm faking my emotions all the time. That I could never really understand what she's feeling. It was very shocking for very first time in my life somebody was able to see through my act. It threw me off, but now a days how I deal with all of this is by being very sarcastic and blunt. I just say whats on my mind no matter the consequences. It feels refreshing not having to act around as much and just be my regular unemotional self more frequently. Some people can't take the way I am now, but I rather have people hate me for who I am then love me for who I'm not.
And sorry again about all this rambling

most of the time it just feels like there is something there and I'm not able to label it or know what it is but depending on the physical reactions I

Me too! I feel "something" but I cannot "label" it. My mom keeps saying, "Can't you see a therapist" and I tell her a MILLION times that THERAPISTS ARE NOT CURRENTLY TRAINED IN THIS!!!!!!!

It's like.... Mom wants me to "just go get 'cured' so she doesn't have to be inconvenienced by having to deal with it."

As for the OP of this thread, yes, I found that just moving away and starting over helped a lot! But you will do this over and over. As I did in my life. It helps, but then you do it over and over and get tired of doing it over and over. But I'm 60 years old. You are 20, so you can do it.

I have the same problem sometimes like I get this feeling that I can only describe as what I would imagine loneliness is but even so I'm not able to emotionally attach to people and animals. I've gotten used to it so it doesn't bother me as much anymore but recently it has become a problem because my peers seem to pick up on detachment. For example, a friend of mine was telling me how he finds me so interesting because of how most of our peers are either trying to find "the one" or are just desperate for a relationship while I seemed disinterested. I think like ErebusZero said, it's different for everyone.