Topic: I can read others, just not myself

I can read other people and predict what they will do or what they may be thinking as long as their behavior is logical or I recognize a pattern in their behavior. As soon as a person starts acting out of emotion or otherwise being irrational, I have no clue what they are thinking or how to interact with them.

The same goes for me. As long as my behavior and thoughts are stemming from a place of logic and experience, I'm fine. But as soon as emotions come into play or I'm dealing with someone on an emotional basis, I run into a big blank wall in my head.

you sound like me.

My wall is so blank that I don't realize I'm "feeling" something. Or I do realize I "feel" something but cannot name it so I'm stabbing in the dark as to how I'm "supposed" to react.

This forum is very interesting. I stumbled upon the website today and took the quiz. Well, it explains why I often can't put feelings into words - I can't identify the feelings! Today my mother asked me "are you happy?" to which I replied what I should have, which was "yes!" Truth is I don't know how to define happiness. Most of the time I don't know how I feel unless it's frustration with the incompetence of others. DSX and FermiParadox, you have hit the nail on the head. Oh, and yes, I can read others pretty well. At least I think I can. That said, like FermiParadox I lose that ability when their feelings, motivations, or actions are not what I "expect" them to be. Then I get frustrated and pissed - perhaps my frustration is not so much with other people as it is with my inability to connect emotionally with the world? I don't know... ;)

I've noticed the same things in myself. I see now that when people around me have problems they come to me because my opinions are objective and logic based. They don't come to me for emotional needs because I've never really been able to understand it. And just like you guys, I can read other peoples emotions very well. I can predict problems and outcomes but when it comes to connecting with them on an emotional and sympathetic level I kind of go blank and make up something I've heard other people say in similar situations because I don't know how to respond. And I find myself trying to figure out how they feel or what they feel, just to be able to understand others but usual it just doesn't click for me.

I can also easily read others but do struggle with how to handle emotions in others. I tend to go with 'fixing' whatever the problem is, which I know is what is not always needed.

Spot on. Everything. People tend to ask me for advice because my opnions are also objective and logic based.

Whenever I don't know how to react, when my wall is blank, I "open an archive" in my head containing reactions people would have depending on the situations and select one. Afterwards it doesn't feel right. When reflecting situations I focus on facial expressions, mostly my own and analyze them while trying to figure out other ways I could've reacted.

Yes, Hannibee, you are doing exactly that. I read in Alexithymia, those that "suffer" from it, look for external cues as to how to react.

I guess I kind of do that with "scripts in my head."

I am actually extremely proficient at reading others and reacting appropriately, however this has nothing to do with understanding the feelings themselves. I simply know what micro-expressions, vocal intonation, and physical movements represent specific emotions in others. I also know what actions, words, expressions, and tone to use to steer people away from anger or sadness through experience and logic, rather than putting myself into their shoes or understanding what it is like to experience that emotion. Emotions are responsive so if you know what the causes are for each you can create a sort of guideline for how to act in the presence of each. For example, my roommate has an anxiety disorder, when he comes home and is angry he will look around differently, respond differently to questions, and snap at me for minor inconveniences. By recognizing this I can identify his emotional state as angry very quickly, usually in seconds. Afterwards I am careful to say nothing that could be construed as offensive, try to be funny(yet), or get in the way of him either functionally(if he is physically try to do something such as clean) or verbally(letting him vent for now). At this stage I will wait for pauses in his venting to interject supportive and concurrent responses. I then wait a while and will casually put on one of his favorite artists, shows, or other such programming in the background; the casual part is important because they may take offense if they realize what you are trying to do. Most often this will begin to distract him from his negative emotional state, and I will begin to carefully steer the conversation away from negative experiences that he went through earlier in the day. I watch his tone and expressions carefully and once he is beginning to calm down I will start to interject bits of humor into the conversation. Eventually he is mostly out of his funk, and I simply try to keep him from drifting back towards the anxiety, I will keep him distracted by things I know he enjoys and will often cook for both of us and perhaps clean a little so that he won't have to. I believe that my alexithymia is actually advantageous in such circumstances, as it allows me to keep a constant objective watch on an individual's emotional state and not react in anger or sadness to what they may say or do in their negative state. I can also examine the cause and effect of emotion with complete non-bias. This is not easy and I think one of the reasons I can do it so well is that I have a large amount of experience with emotionally unstable individuals.

I got to this site by taking a test on http://aspietests.org on two-factor imagination; the test result said I have no spontaneous imagination (scored 25/66), and provided a link to this site. I'm not dumb, I just scored 127 on an IQ test, but my emotional IQ is non-existent. I also have Aspergers, which has mindblindness as a symptom. ...so I'm guessing that the ability to read other people doesn't say anything about your alexithymia, but indicates a lack of autism.