How can I learn to recognise feelings?
12.02.2016 by glowbrainI have self-diagnosed as having alexithymia, confirmed by the questionaire on this site (high in 5 out of 7 subcategories).
I recently began a workshop on Acceptance & Commitment Therapy to address some of my other shortcomings. We're supposed to practice noticing unpleasant feelings so we can change our response and be less reactive. This is futile and frustrating for me. My own experience is that I am almost completely cognitive.
Even if I have thoughts that briefly make me feel strongly, I consistently tell myself that any emotions I have are just smoke from a fire, and more real is the question that any judgments I make that produce the feelings are either correct or incorrect. The fact that I strongly feel like I want or need something to be so, seems unimportant.
Workshop facilitators and professionals tell me I am in denial about some rich internal life.
They say I could start accessing that life by observing internal bodily sensations.
When I try I just end up listing things like "hungry", "tired" or "sore feet", which hardly seems like the intentional content I'm fishing for.
I am searching for alternative approaches and guidance.
I found a description of an exercise:
The Body Scan: Developing Emotional Awareness
https://siyli.org/body-scan-developing-emotional-awareness/
And a scientific claim about mapping of body-sites in self-observations
REVEALED: Where Emotions Are 'Felt' In Your Body
http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/body-emotions-finnish-study-video_n_4532617.html?section=australia
Any other leads on guidance anyone can offer?
That's the burning question on here....
12.02.2016 by DXS
From my research, I don't think there is an answer. Therapists are useless in this area. They tell you "do this or do that" but you can only "do" the "this or that" when you RECOGNIZE that something is happening.
When you CANNOT recognize that you feel something, it's impossible to do the "this or that."
My Mom cannot comprehend this when I try to explain it to her. She keeps telling me "see a therapist."
When my mom says "see a therapist" it comes across to me as "Solve this problem so you aren't making your family deal with it."
For me, I am spending a lot of time alone and trying to go inward. It's helping some...... but I still have problems "recognizing" when I'm interacting with another person.
I think for me, it's the "Mom kept telling me how to feel" thing. As a child, when I would tell my mom what I felt, I would get, in some shape or form, "No you don't you feel X way....." It's like she wanted me to be this "other" person and didn't want to deal with someone feeling "different than what she WANTED me to feel....."
Thus, I learned that my feelings weren't "real" (but they were to me......)
So, I'm trying to give reality and validation to my feelings.
A language all your own
12.02.2016 by FermiParadox
I think its important to understand that, while you cannot bridge the gap between cognition and (irrational) emotion, you do recognize that certain states of mind arise during certain situations. Just because you cannot translate these states of mind like everyone else, you CAN figure out your own internal language... one that neurotypical people will NOT understand... and be content with the results.
I consistently tell myself that any emotions I have are just smoke from a fire
I relate to this statement very much. The key to your therapeutic endeavor lies within this statement.
"I consistently tell myself"... you have created a narrative that your emotions are just a byproduct, a chemical reaction, a result of something else incidental. If you can tell yourself one thing, you can certainly start telling yourself something else. Change your narrative. Instead of labeling emotions as something meaningless, begin thinking of them as interesting and thought provoking. A curious response (I'm really channeling Dr Spock right now,) instead of something to be dismissed. You don't have to solve the riddle, but just start framing your emotions in a different context. Eventually, these reactions appear less remote, less transient, and more a part of your inner language.
This is the heart of self-awareness and mindfulness.
