≡ Topic: is there any hope?

is there any hope?
10.03.2016 by ChrsAlln1

I'm 44 and have felt like this since my earliest childhood. The only emotions I know I feel is sadness, emptiness and anger.

I feel bad or guilty admitting that I don't ever feel love or compassion to the people I'm supposed to care about. It's more like a mental exercise or a conscious decision to perform the actions of love and kindness.

Most of the time I feel like the tin man from wizard of oz: an empty oil drum. I don't have feel my heart beating. So it's like I'm dead or that I don't have a soul.

So I rationalise that if I've felt like this since I was a child and now feel the same, what's the point in continuing with life as it will always be empty and lonely.

Is hope even relevant?
12.03.2016 by FermiParadox

Hi Chrs... I'm 35 and I've felt this way my entire life as well. That is not to say my life has been consistent and without change. Some periods were incredibly bleak and filled with dangerous situations. Some times were better, closer to what I imagine is "normal" to most people. I've tried on all sorts of identities thinking this ever present void inside my head would disappear, as if I were simply trying to stick my puzzle piece in the wrong slot again and again. But I've come to realize that life is not about attaining these things, or reaching these milestones I see everyone else reaching.

True love, relationships, marriage, children, etc etc etc... I can't figure out how to get any of this stuff that seems so important to everyone. The stuff I've been bombarded with since I was a little girl. The things that my parents, TV, books and film, society at large, seem to think are the only ways to be happy, the only ways to have purpose. We've been conditioned to believe that your life is empty and meaningless if you don't share love with another person. Well, that's bullshit. This conditioning has plagued me my entire life and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of feeling left out and defective, but the only person whose making me feel that way is ME. So I've been changing my thinking. Slowly. Its not easy, but I constantly remind myself of the things I DO love. In the midst of my own existential crisis, I have to remain aware of the things in my life that make me happy, or at the very least, make me feel human.

I love my animals. I like my job (I work with animals.) I like movies and TV and books. I like learning and being an intellect. These are the things that fill my life. These are the things I appreciate and value. I've have learned the hard way that no other person on this earth will make me feel good, save myself. That is my reality. This is what I, and apparently every one else on this forum, have to work with. So if anything, please take solace in the fact that you are not alone in feeling this way. This forum is here for you.