Topic: How do I talk to my parents about seeking a diagnosis?

In my case, my mom uses the Alexithymia thing to get HER "off the hook." I think she contributed to this by trivializing my feelings.

And there's hope. I just want to say I know this is an anonymous forum but it would be helpful to know your age and state in order for me to make any recommendations. You sound like your under 18. I'm not judging you or saying anything bad its just what you wrote that brought me to this conclusion. You seem to need or want the help and acceptance or approval of your parents in this issue. Have you talked to both your parents? I'm sorry if I have more questions then answers but I dont feel Im able to offer much advice without some more info if your comfortable giving it that would help. Here is one piece of advice that you can do on your own without anyone's permission. Its some advice I have offered others on this forum. I do not have Alexi but my GF does and its been an ongoing issue for 5 years now and I have researched it a lot.

I notice many people who suffer from Alexi or at least the ones on here are much more capable of expressing themselves in writing then they are able to do verbally by mouth. Speaking your feelings openly to someone or anyone has so many complications. The list goes on forever. But when you write your feelings out you get to do it without fear of being judged or someone interrupting. You can do it in private or with others around. Sometimes just writing it down helps.

Also you can take it one step further and turn it into a letter. A letter that will allow you to fully express yourself and the person you give it to will sit there quietly and take it all in. You can include some of the research done by professionals online. That way its not just your words. It will give credit and value to what you are saying and its as easy as printing it up. Just make sure you read all of whatever it is you print and make sure you agree with everything it says and that it accurately describes you and your issues and feelings and that its real and treatable because it is. If you need help with that just respond and I will help. Please respond if you have any questions, comments, or concerns. I welcome any and all.

P.S. I am not a medical or health care professional. I offer this advice based upon my own experience or my own observations. But most people say im pretty smart and I give good advice and information. Just wanted to be up front about it thats all. Good luck and don't EVER give up on yourself and the "pursuit of happiness" :)

11,
I got to this website by taking the two factor imagination test. The test result supplied a link to this site, stating I appeared to have traits of Alexithymia. After scoring high on the Alexithymia test, I looked into what this condition is about, and found out that it is a personality trait that 85% of people with Asperger's (like me) have. So, Alexithymia might be a comorbid trait you have with some other condition; i.e., I wouldn't just assume that Alexithymia was the root cause of my problems (if I were you) and I'd look into what conditions can be comorbid with Alexithymia.

Dave

Hi,

I think that an issue that is pretty common is that speech isn't a very good way for us to communicate. People expect that we pick up their emotions, and display certain behaviors, and as we grew up, we develop coping mechanisms. Like showing happiness and smiling, because that's a good "default mood" to display --if you're happy, no problem, right?

I smile a lot, but I think I do it like a cat who purrs not because it's happy, but because it's nervous or uncomfortable, and just tries to calm both itself and those around with this "everything is fine" sound. People would think I'm happy, joyful, optimistic, nice, kind... Truth is I'm extremely anxious, nervous, feeling misfit, can get depressed easily, and have very fast mood swings (if I'm angry about something and it suddenly get resolved, I can stop being angry at once, which has often misled people into thinking I didn't care about the issue to begin with).

Most of my friends didn't see through the mask, and as I started to remove it, they doubted what I was showing. I struggled to explain things when talking to them, so I tried to talk about it online, because it's easier to express myself through text --I can phrase myself carefully, edit my sentences before posting them, and I don't have to try to understand body language or what. One of my best friends was very positive, taking the time to consider what I was saying, give it some thoughts, assimilate it... That went pretty well, I think.

Another one however just would not consider it because she "knew" me: "you're not like this, you just want to drag attention on you as usual, you want to be different," etc. People have a very hard time to admit that maybe we don't want to be different but just happen to be. When I came out transgender, they served me that speech, until they saw me transitioning and had no choice but to admit that no, it was not going to pass. When I explained I was non-binary (not identifying as either man nor woman), it was all back to square one. Things spiraled down as some accused me of being narcissist --oddly enough, they preferred their own explanation that I must be some awful person, rather than to consider my explanation and a psychiatric diagnosis done by professionals. I guess that shows how much people don't want to be wrong.

So there. People know you. They usually have a wrong idea of you, but the later you break the illusion, the harder it is to get them to show your true colors. I think that for the younger, like the original poster, it might be good to use an alternative way of communication like writing a letter. Because a letter is special: it's written, it's not words in the wind. It shows that it's something serious, that you are ready to write and be quoted for. It's proof material. It also shows you took time to write it, and so, it means it was important enough to go through the whole process of thinking it and putting it down the paper.

So that'd be my advice: write a letter, try to write how you think you feel even if you're not entirely sure of how to describe it. And maybe have your parents take the alexithymia test too, for comparison. ...One of your parents might be alexithymic, and if that's the case, I wish you good luck, because there's probably a chance that they'll deny the result (having friends take the tests for comparison, to show not everybody gets the same results is something I've done before to sort of prove it wasn't a biased test).

I'm also sorry it took long for me to reply to your helpful words and advice. I had to deal with something recently. I just read all of the new posts and I guess it would only make sense to make a reply post to them all in this one post. I haven't spoken to either one of my parents about it, how would I even bring something like this up? I've never had to take the responsibility of making it a point to talk about something like this, I've tried articulating my inner emotions to my mother but she just shot them down like it was nothing. She is the only one I thought I could trust to talk about anything with, I still do but it isn't the same anymore. I honestly just feel like anyone will be able to listen to me, understand and take everything in about me. It's pretty depressing when I think about how truly lonely it is, sure I talk to people but it's never about something meaningful. The only meaningful conversations I have are always the ones in which I just sit there and listen. I just wish I had someone that'd do the same for me, I feel like if I have to carry someone else's burdens with them..... I just feel like that'll be it. I feel like I'm just gonna be done with it all and become a recluse, I just can't stand the emotions in people's voices when they are serious, it makes me queazy. Writing a letter wouldn't do much help either, I feel like my facade of a perpetually default mood is too integrated into people's perception of me. I hate what I'n feeling because it makes me feel like I'm one of those dumb emo kids at school that are straight just attention seekers, like I can barely take myself seriously. I know for a fact that's not the case, what's going on is real and I am still yet to speak about it. I've lived oblivious to what I'm feeling because I got on fine that way, just smile and enjoy life, simple. Now that I've gotten older (admittedly I'm not even out of highschool yet, so I haven't gotten that much older I guess.) everyone has gotten more emotional in a way. Like I use to just have to listen to the usual "It's been tough lately" kind of stuff. Now I have to help people cope with serious issues that I can't help them with but have an obligation to, stuff like "My dad just committed suicide, can you help me with my emotional state?". That kind of stuff has changed alot of aspects in my life and I don't know how I'm supposed to help people cope with it and I don't even know how to cope with it. I probably will try writing an essay/letter for my mom but I have doubts about it working.

Also, to address what someone said about alexithymia usually evolving from an underlining problem. The problem I had to deal with was a seizure I had recently, it has worried me what might come up when I get scanned, I wonder if I have something wrong with my brain that is contributing to my whole situation. As a side note, when I spoke with the neurologist about it, they asked me about my emotional/mental state and since my mom was in the room with me I backed out about talking seriously about it all. One question in particular, the first one made me stop myself from explaining this whole thing, was about if I've felt depressed recently or at all. Since my mom was right there, my reaction or instinct or whatever just kicked in to just say what they want me to say specifically what my mother wanted/expected me to say, "I'm fine. 100% happy." It made me feel even worse about this whole thing. I'm never honest with myself or anyone, i just say what is expected or what is wanted. I feel so incompetent, the only time when this defense and my positive emotions of a facade fall apart is in intimate situations. I am really sorry for venting like this on the internet, I just have had alot of pent up emotion that I haven't been able to deal with and this is the only place where people seem to be more understanding and excepting than anyone I know in real life.

Once again thank you all for posting on this thread, it's given me a chance to figure my self out and maybe even begin to understand others.

...and Alexithymia is usually comorbid with Autism. 11, have you taken any online autism tests? If you scored really high on the Alexithymia test, you probably have some autistic traits (if not actually autistic). When I read "seizure" on your last post, I immediately thought of the autism/epilepsy relationship.

Hi 11. I kinda get your situation because my parents don't take me seriously either. Every time I am trying to tell my problems they act like its nothing and it will pass eventually. I am also new here and my test result is pretty high. I consider telling my parents too. So , my advice is find someone who will be taken seriously by your parents, someone who can explain to them that your problems are a big deal and should be treated. Even though you write them a letter, they may still take it lightly and expect you to talk to them. The way I understand, you are not good at that, so find someone else to do the talking for you. This person can be your teacher or a relative that your parents probably listen to what he/she say. I know this advice is not a good one and chances are high that it may not work but if I decide to tell my parents about my problems, this is the way I am going to tell them. I hope your parents will understand and help you fix your problems and stand by your side all the way until you get better. Good luck!

I have not taken any autism tests. I wouldn't be surprised if I had some traits associated with autism, I grew up with an older brother that had autism, so I guess it would make sense since at a young age I looked up to him. It made it worse that our father was very unpleasant and really messed up our older brother, causing him to develop into a very unpleasant person. My autistic older brother being in the middle of it made him messed up too, he also didn't have the best influences for friends. I ended up being the one good kid, as my mother would put it not to be rude but grateful about her, I ended up being not as messed up and pretty good in most areas of life. Although, it wouldn't be a surprise to me if it rubbed off on me in some fashion. Thank you for the advice, I'll give that a try to help build up my case if or when I confront my mother.

If your brother has autism, then the chances of you being in it too are a lot higher. It's genetic, and often found in more than one sibling. That's why therapists sometimes have all the siblings tested when one kid is diagnosed.

As for your issues, irl, I'm thinking that maybe you could try talking with the school nurse or if you can access a therapist at a familial planning center (those places where teens can go talk with someone). You'll probably have to educate them about the topic of alexithymia and autism/Asperger's though, but if you print some documentation, your results from the test here, and maybe even this whole thread, it could possibly stir some attention?

About your concern of becoming a social recluse, as someone who could probably qualify as one, I'd say it's not that bad. Actually, pretty much all of my best Internet friends are social recluses, and a number of them are alexithymic too. It's very interesting because we actually function really well ! I really have this feeling that people who perform badly irl finally found a haven on the Internet, where they can communicate in a way that is more suitable for them – not having to deal with too much emotional pressure (heck, just reading a sentence can be so moving already!), nor having to be around all the time... it's pretty convenient and makes things better for everybody.

mine is anaphylaxis