≡ Topic: The Ups and Downs of my life

The Ups and Downs of my life
24.09.2016 by AshishBankar

I was recently told that I show Alexitymic Traits. He told me about it and I fitted into the description perfectly. He was not a psychologist, just a councellor.
I was recently involved in a serious relationship with a girl on who I had a crush for a very long time. I always thought what I felt for her was love. I did care for her and always wanted to be happy with her. But a lot of times I was unable to understand what she expected out of me and what she felt. I did not feel as sad i should have been and I just thought maybe it was who I was. I never missed her when we used to fight. She would always patch things up. I was completely unaware of how I was supposed to be with the girl. The relationship ended recently after 2 years and even then I had zero feelings that's when I knew something was wrong. At first I was just anger for a long time. For no reason I was angry and had outbursts, which affected my family. But slowly I started to miss her and finally gave in and called her after 2 months and apolpgized.She reacted as any one would. She didn't want me back. I have started to miss her a lot and experience emotions that were never there before. I really love her and want to be with her. Bit I fear that this trait would never allow me to feel anything. I scored preety high in the test and I don't know how to tell her about this and what to do about it. All I know is for that first time in my life I felt something that was real but its too late for that now. I am left with a broken heart that can't feel anything else but love for her.

in reply...
04.10.2016 by IntoTheWind

Even though you may feel its too late for this girl, it isn`t too early for the next chance with her. What I mean to say is, acknowledge how you are, and do your best to improve. I know it is FAR easier said then done, but forming useful knowledge out of the past experience is key. If you think she will still talk to you, talk to her. Communicate with her. Tell her that you still care and what you have learned about yourself. This is a part of what she wanted in the beginning. If you both really do love each other you can work at being better together.

Understand it takes a lot for someone to handle emotional detachment. It`s draining. They have to have a lot to give from themselves. If she is strong and you are honest, it is a good start. If she doesn't want to talk, you can still help yourself. Talk to your counselor more. If need be go to a psychologist. Talk to someone and be honest. Our issues arise from not being open with other people. Being closed off may serve you with temporary "safety" emotionally and not having to experience it but doesn`t provide a lasting solution. We have the ability to love and show emotion but we just need the proper tools and avenues to express it. Just like anything else, to some people it comes naturally. Others need assistance. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

The worst thing is to do nothing. Insanity is doing the same thing over and again expecting different results. If you wish to have different results, try some different things.