Living in a logic puzzle
16.10.2016 by EI feel like I live inside of a logic puzzle. I am super analytical and my decisions are based on morality. I am hyper self-aware and aware of my surroundings, and because of this, I have completely cancelled out my lack of emotional intelligence with a knowledge of what emotions are in the world, even though I don't feel them. All of this is so exhausting. Is it possible that this is why I have been struggling with constant fatigue?
I found out about alexithymia a few days ago when I finally decided to do a google search on why I don't miss people. No one in my life who I have told can conceptualize not missing people and not having emotional connections with people. Last year I lived abroad and did not see my family for nine months, my family was always texting me, and got mad when I didn't call them, but I didn't understand because I don't ever feel the same way. All of the relationships in my life that are not within the immediate present feel solely like obligations. I am currently a college student and running into the same issue I did last year when I was abroad. My parents want me to come home and visit and call them frequently, but I have no desire to do so. How do I tell them without making them upset? I really do not want to live the rest of my life feeling this constant obligation.
I really don't want to be lonely, but because I feel no emotional connection with people, the only situation when I am not lonely is when I am in the presence of at least one other person who I can engage in interesting conversations with and I am on the same intellectual wavelength with.
My therapist is clearly stuck. I am so self-aware that it has gotten to a point where she just has no answers for me. It is certainly not her fault, how can I expect her to be able to provide advice to someone with alexithymia who is also so self aware to the point of counteracting their lack of emotional intelligence. So, who can I talk to? I want answers of some sort and I don't want to be lonely.
You do not make sense at all
16.10.2016 by Abc
I feel like I live inside of a logic puzzle. I am super analytical and my decisions are based on morality. I am hyper self-aware and aware of my surroundings, and because of this, I have completely cancelled out my lack of emotional intelligence with a knowledge of what emotions are in the world, even though I don't feel them. All of this is so exhausting. Is it possible that this is why I have been struggling with constant fatigue?
No, it means that you are stupid.
My therapist is clearly stuck. I am so self-aware that it has gotten to a point where she just has no answers for me. It is certainly not her fault, how can I expect that she is be able to provide advice to someone with alexithymia who is also so self aware to the point of counteracting their lack of emotional intelligence. So, who can I talk to? I want answers of some sort and I don't want to be lonely.
Emotional intelligence is the most stupid concept I have ever heard and read about. There is no such thing, it is an artificial concept people made because they cannot explain things. This is why it is so abstract. Even though understanding people and things by means of intuition could be called a skill, this does not render "emotional intelligence" the half brain. It is too absurd. IQ tests were made by people thinking that they smart enough to assess the half brain of people (stupidness) or people feeling that they are able to assess the other half brain of people (absurdity). The same holds for the EQ tests. I do not know why she does not tell you that you are stupid, but you should find another therapist.
At it again are you?
17.10.2016 by Jute
What's up Abc have you stopped stalking thoughts and decided to start insulting other member instead? What a nice way to welcome a new member, by calling him stupid. You aren't even alexithymic so what do you know about it? Nothing. Why don't you just go away and haunt some other fourm where you're wanted, except of course that there probably isn't one. I've reported you again, and every time that you act like a complete and utter arsehole to other legitimate members I'll keep reporting you until the people who run this forum get their fingers out of their arses and ban you.
To the OP
15.11.2016 by DXS
Please ignore the posts that replied.
I can relate to what you are feeling. I don't "miss" people either. When I had romantic relationships, I didn't really "miss" the person, what it was is more "need." Need for them to love me and constantly wanting proof.
I can relate to being super analytical. I'm that way. Logic puzzle, I love that phrase.
ANd needing people on the same intellectual level, I CAN RELATE!
Same here
27.11.2016 by CV
I'm in much the same situation. All my familial connections are simply obligations, and obligations I know that if I broke, emotional drama would be directed at me and I dislike that. So, I keep them up.
I have the same deficits with affection, and I too feel most comfortable with people having an interesting discussion or undertaking an interesting activity. There does not have to be emotions involved, only ideas.
I believe this kind of act you're describing does take up a lot of energy that could be better spent elsewhere. My strategy is tailoring your situation to suit you, not trying to exert yourself to fill the situation.
For example I believe a solid work situation would be most beneficial. People you work closely with, in a field you are interested by, where you are only concerned with your work and the activities therein. Personal lives do not have to enter the picture. Emotional attachments to your work colleagues are not required. In such a situation, you could benefit from the kind of contact you prefer without having to fake all this emotionally based behaviour.
My strategy for familial connections is to gradually decrease contact, with a good reason why - such as travel, a heavy workload, moving away, etc. I have had some success with this before in other ways, like acclimatising a goldfish. Start decreasing contact always with a good reason, but still maintain the contact (unfortunately it seems, for feeling peoples, there is no way to just break contact with them if you don't wish to hurt them) to a minimal degree.
You may still feel some irksome obligation, but it will be as minimal as possible without damaging others.
The solution as far as I can see is to make your situation appropriate for you, not try to "be normal" and fit into a situation that will always be a problem.
