Topic: Don't know what to do

The Alexithymia test is not really made for teenagers. However, as you seem concerned then it could be a good idea to share the concern with your parents. You could, for instance, show them the Alexithymia forum and your test results…just to open discussion. Let them investigate a little on their own. Parents usually are quite good at handling concerns once they have been brought to their attention.

Close to you people usually show affection and understanding. But you should avoid people pretending that they care about you. For example, there may be people pretending that they care about you, or they may call themselves your parents or they may claim that they have strong motherly feelings about you, and their real motivation is to fill their own gap of not being parents in reality, or that the neighborhood children they teach don't give them the parental feeling they need, or they are just mean and they just want to hurt you, because they got hurt by their mother due to their own liability. So such people may initially pretend that they are concerned about you or they may even say you can consider them your mother in order for you to feel comfortable with them, but it is a matter of time to reveal themselves. A strong indicator of their pretending is that they refuse to have a closer relationship with you. For example, if you ask them to hug them, they will find like a million excuses to avoid the hug, while the real reason is that they are not concerned about you and they are afraid of the hug, because the hug causes qualms about their improper acts.

Okay, so a couple things happened today and I wanted to put them up here and see what people thought.

There's a dance at my school so me and a few friends went into town to get dresses and suits and stuff and also to watch a movie.

Firstly, there was a thing that happened where one of my friends said something funny and everyone was laughing. Like, one of my friends was rolling on the ground laughing.
So, I started laughing, even though I really didn't feel like laughing. I knew it was funny but, meh
The thing is, is that I can pretend to laugh convincingly for about 2 minuets maximum, but at that point I get tired and awkward and stuff, and it just gets sooo fake. So everyone was looking at me weird.
Didn't really care much though.


Secondly, there's this girl that we are 'friends' with. Basically, we were school friends with her but everyone kind of finds her anoying, and then she moved to our town and she's all a bit too much. And then this person likes her and she likes this other person and a bunch of other shit that's not relivant, but it still makes her more annoying.
Anyway, we were wondering if we should invite her, and I said no.
They asked why, and so I just made something up about her being jealous of something, but really it's because I have literally NO attachment to her at all.
Like, if she dies, I would be like 'meh'

And what scared me about that, was the fact that that didn't scare me.

So yeah.

And I was just kind of empty the whole time and stuff, but by now that's the norm.

So yeah.

First of all its good to know that im not the only one that feels the same way. Thing is ive been having troble with other people, I cant speak to them like I used to as everytime I accidentally end up hurting their "feelings" even though I try my best to understand why they feel like that. Point is im not sure how to behave near other people or how I should deal with this (unfortunately I live in place where I cant get a psychiatrist and parents arent of much help)

It is difficult to say anything helpful without knowing much about the circumstances and the person(s) involved, so I take some hint from the OP’s age (15).
Teenage is a time when one actively searches for own identity… however, there are many things that influence that search: social media, adverts, peer-pressure, etc. I think the need to fit in is also quite strong at this age. Humans generally do not thrive in isolation (at any age). So if people in our immediate environment (family, friends, colleagues, etc) constantly get hurt (harmed) by our presence then we actually hurt (harm) ourselves…since this can only lead to isolation.

Friends usually get together to share their views on life, school, whatever. When everyone is in agreement on a point-of-view (or have differing views on something trifle) then the risk of “hurt feelings” is quite low. However, it might be that friends start discussing topics that are closer to heart and on which views may differ--and then situation changes with the risk of “hurt feelings” increasing.

Some general tips:
If you do not share a view then still listen to what others have to say as they too are entitled to have their (even differing) opinions; keep the discussion peaceful i.e. no need to go out of the way and be confrontational to make your point (even if you perceive the others doing it to you); when you make a point, to avoid hurt feelings, keep it in a general direction rather then targeting/aiming someone.

Hmmm…I wouldn’t discount parents’; being a teenager/young adult’s parent is not the same as a toodlers’… perhaps they might not be as hands-on as when you were little but this might be out of respect for you now having your own set-up which they do not wish to disturb. So I would still try to keep open dialogue with them.

Two examples:

1. Asceticism is a lifestyle characterized by abstinence from worldly pleasures, often for the purpose of pursuing spiritual goals. Ascetics may withdraw from the world for their practices or continue to be part of their society, but typically adopt a frugal lifestyle, characterized by the renunciation of material possessions and physical pleasures, and time spent fasting while concentrating on the practice of religion or reflection upon spiritual matters

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asceticism

An ascetic person isolates himself to pursue spiritual goals. Positive sign.

2. Traits of narcissist:

- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
- Requires excessive admiration
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

https://www.bpdcentral.com/narcissistic-disorder/hallmarks-of-npd/

A narcissistic person only cares about his own (sick) feelings, engages himself in a dialogue to receive the admiration he needs (he actually provokes this admiration e.g. A narcissistic woman may falsely tell you that she loves you as a mother due to her motherly instincts to manipulate you and obtain a response to satisfy her sick instincts). After satisfying his sick instincts, he isolates himself showing off arrogance as he has received the required admiration and he looks down to "ordinary" people. Negative sign.