As far as I can deduce, I've been alexithymic from age 5. The one constant in my life has been music. Lots of music. In time I learned that the easiest conduit to my emotions was through music. Does anyone else find this to be true?
Yes! Sometimes i keep "scrolling" through different genres to determine or enhance my current mood. From death metal to new-age
But I guessed pretty much everyone else is doing it. That's what the music is for, right
I had some characteristically weird alexithymic experience with this recently, listening to an opera album.
I found that the music could almost bring tears to my eyes, but I still FELT nothing, emotionally. It was like it was a physical response - cold wind blows, you get goosebumps kind of thing. No emotional cognition required, it's merely a reflex. Clearly, the music was having some effect, but being as I am, of course I had no idea what or why.
I remember through all my musical career music was the one thing that I could feel strong emotions to. There was one thing I remember clearly from my middle school orchestra class my teacher had said "well now I know we played well look at Lorelei she is smiling". I never smiled or showed much emotion back then I still don't but that has always just stuck to me. Music is something that I can just get into it resonates through my body as I play and I just move with each bow movement just feeling like I'm being enveloped into the notes on the page.
Exactly the same as CV and Lorelei. My tear-bursting piece is Siegfried Idyll from Wagner (I dont like anything else from him, but this one is really special). I remember hearing it for the first time was the most emotional even in about 10 past years. But as others are pointing out, I dont get what are my tears for - sadness, hapiness, soulwretchedness? I have no idea. I remember the blindness in music school when my teacher tried to explain the piano pieces of Janacek to me: this one is about unfulfilled love, that one is about death, the other one about being homesick.... I got nothing out of these explanations and just played as I considered it should be. I thought maybe i was too young and unexperienced to understand all these emotions involved. But now, being 34 having seen birth and death and suffering, I dont get any better in specifications of the emotions behind the compositions.
I cannot do it even the other way round - as proved in my lessons of musical composition - when asked to improvise for sadness, hapiness, longing - I am lost.
I too experience this as well, it's like music can express emotions that I cannot communicate verbally. As another poster mentioned I also can range from Death Metal to New Age and I sometimes use music as a tool to fully realise an emotion my mind is confused about.
As a musician myself I too wish to be able to compose music that is able to conjure emotion but I find I have no success, I am now wondering whether this may be down to Alexithymia? I'm a good musician from a technical standpoint, I'm quick to pick up songs and instruments but when trying to compose I often hit a brick wall, I assume it is because I'm trying to create something emotionally charged but I myself am emotionally numb.
Any other posters have their own input on this?
Music is very important and is a powerful means/tool; basically it's also a universal language.
