≡ Topic: Please HELP me

Please HELP me
04.06.2017 by DM

I'm as student/part-time English teacher. I have been notified of my somewhat sociopathic tendency through the Rorschach test I took three months ago, and have an IQ of 114, with excellent sub-score on the working memory section (IQ 130).

A friend of mine introduced me to alexithymia, and I got 137 on the test.

I'm currently doing therapy sessions for an incredibly unpleasant feeling I get whenever I notice something that my girlfriend has and I don't, ranging from knowledge and experience, to seemingly illogical ones such as female characteristics (her having breasts/female genitals, wearing of ladies' underwear, her experiencing menstruation).
It is worth mentioning here that although I am a bisexual, I am NOT in any way confused of my gender identity.

I love her, (at least I think I do), but my heart tells me otherwise. I long to see her yet I when I am feeling down, I often imagine myself punching her and abusing her in the most brutal way possible, either for vengeance or for pure pleasure.

Furthermore, I have always been aware of my inability to ascertain my true emotions. I, at some point, firmly believe that sexual acts are driven out of love and affection towards the other, but at other times I firmly believe that they are driven out of pure lust and desire; a purely physical act with no space for emotions or affections. When I am feeling one way, I repel and repulse at the other thought.

Such conflict of feelings occur for almost all emotions, almost all the time.

My psychiatrists are finding it a challenge to:
A. Finding out the identity of the unpleasant feeling I get when I realise something that she has some things/traits that I do not
B. The reason why as to why there is perpetual, dichotomous conflict of emotions

If you have any idea as to my mental condition (which has confused me and at some point nearly drove me to death), I would appreciate your response.

This is...
04.06.2017 by Z

a quite pathetic and scary condition, very close to psychosis.
It doesn't make any sense to be jealous of your girlfriend due to the reasons you mentioned.
You also suffer from sadistic symptoms.
You should break up with her. Can you imagine yourself wearing her underwear and punching her? This would be the most pathetic scene ever. You will also go to jail and your psychiatrists will still try to identify the "unpleasant feeling" or "emotion", literally bullshit. Emotions are crap.

I don't know if you are completely sick or your girlfriend is a bitch, but in any case the list of pros and cons indicates that you should break up with her.

And I will repeat the story about the thing told me that she wanted to be my Mama. That thing knows that I want a Mama or more and moms express their good intentions towards me, but they don't sufficiently treat me like Mamas, they don't always hug me, they are not always concerned about me etc. And that sick thing took advantage of this situation and literally expressed her interest in building a real motherly relationship with me. Of course it lied.
So if I meet with it, should I punch it or abuse it for its criminal behavior against me? I am sure it will be enough to reprimand it for its lies and make it cry. Then, if it looks like a mom and it is not a sick monster, I will get the hug and disappear.

All in all, there is always a reason and a goal. What is your goal given that you cannot define the reason? Get rid of emotions and define your goal as to your girlfriend before breaking up with her.