Topic: I haven't always been this way...

I think I understand when you say you cant FEEL things. I am like that too sometimes. With me my emotions are felt very acutely like when somebody dies or not at all. I just can't tap into them. I can't access them. I know they are in me but they are blocked off. It is as if I have a protective shield so I can be in control. I would like something in the middle instead of totally on or off.

EXACTLY, I don't know if that is alexi or not. Just wondering, what is it like being a woman with this? As a male, it is not too crazy since most men try to conceal emotions anyways. But typically women like to open up to other women and such.

Hi I just got on here and I looked this up and it fits me I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2 and adhd together then I stubbled upon this and I got 135 on the test. I don't know if I was born like this but I started acting out when I reached my teenage years and I have gotten to the point where I am seeing a therapist every week (where I go they don't have any groups that talk like this or any thing so that's why I started looking online to see why I feel or in this case don't feel and I found this and now I don't feel so alone). For years I had and still have trouble even expressing and even interpreting my emotions. I have panic attacks and trust issues galore and I was bullied when I was in school so I just stoped going and now I'm doing virtual schooling. When I was younger I realised I wasn't 'normal' like everyother kid I just didn't know why or how (btw I was a avid bookworm but now it just seems boring I guess so I stopped reading I barely ever do anything because I don't know what I like To do anymore everything just became pointless like it doesn't matter anymore) then I entered my teens and then hormones got added to mic and complicated things further or really the lack there off ( I see no reason for any type sexual contact at all it just see so troublesome to me I guess), idk honestly if I have this or not guess I have to talk to my therapist (which is honestly really tough when I am not good with emotions in anyway shape or form, i am anti-social. I basically have no friends now because I messed up in the emotion department with them all and the few I do have barely know me except for when we are at school and never actually ask about me at all just talk about there problems and drama, I'm always the one that instigates any conversations which honestly I am the type of person to sit back and observe and listen, if I didn't do that I am 100% sure they wouldn't even talk to me let alone try and be friends but honestly now I just don't care to pretend any more. I always now that I think about it didn't know my emotions so I just observed and copied people around me in till I seemed 'normal' to them but now that I don't have anyone but my family and I'm doing virtual school I have stopped pretending and I started looking up what all this could mean and it lead me here. I honestly hope this is it cause it explains so much and it started freaking out my family (my no emotions) because I told my mom right after my step sister grandma died that I didnt feel anything when she died (I was the one who saw her take her last breath while they were all crying and had to go get the nurse's). So then I got shipped to the therapists and was diagnosed with bipolar2 and adhd and I going to ask her about this in our next meeting and see if she can give a real test to see if I have it for real or if it's something else entirely.

I hope some of you reply so I can see what you think of this cause I really don't know what I have and neither does my therapist about the no emotion thingy as I call it.

Sorry if this is long I didn't know I wrote that much I have a hard time getting what's in my head on to paper that why I'm doing virtual school now be cause I kept failing in regular classes especially math. This is the first time that I every wrote something from my head on to paper that it all came out right and sound right and I didnt mess up I think?.

That is one thing for me though. I still desire sex fairly greatly. I feel awkward in sex, and emotionally I don't get much from it, but I want to have it because of strongly desire the body of the opposite sex. It is a really weird conundrum. I also really enjoy closeness and people being attracted to me.

Kyleman, I haven't always been like this either, but I had a emotional breakdown at work while I was in the process of injuring myself. A combination of overworking, not enough sleep: un-diagnosed sleep apnea, super stressed out and then total nervous breakdown. I took a took a 90 day FMLA. When I returned to work, I could not do my job any longer so I went on long-term disability that has morphed into a social security disability 100%. I had a lot of the same symptoms you described so I was kind of sort of like you before my work injuries happened, with the exception that I was a scientist and have always been a creative inventor for over 27 years.

Here is a list of abbreviations that seem to fit me pretty well, PTSD, ADD, OCD, and asperger-ish PDD, but unfortunately there not a PhD anywhere to be found among them.
I was hoping there was a way out of the sudden onset of alexithymia like symptoms combined with anhedonia, ED and inorgasmia. I know this is not an answer to your questions but like you, I wasn't always like this either. With the exception of course that I have always had Aspergers-PDD, ADD, and OCD, I came pre-programmed that way from the very beginning.
Mrc109