25.09.2017 by grapehi-c
Hello everyone,
My partner and I have been together for 5 years. I am 44 and she is 10 years younger than me. We have such a great time together, have similar interests, travel etc. We live together and I enjoy her company. The problem we have is with intimacy. She is unable to talk about her feelings with me as it doesn't come naturally to her. When we have issues, I am the only one who really gives in terms of being vulnerable and opening up. I try to talk in "I" statements and try not to blame. She ends up getting very defensive and often blames me for the problem. This goes on and on in circles and then it goes away with no resolution. I often feel in despair because I can't work through it on my own and the problem is still there. As a result, I feel stressed out and emotionally deprived.
Furthermore, she has trouble connecting with people and has no friends to talk to or be with. She acknowledges her struggle but cannot seem to help herself.
I came across the term "alexithymia" when I was searching for emotionally unavailable partners. This makes sense to me and I brought it up with my partner. She somewhat agreed that alexithymia may be a factor. I'm glad that I can find a reason for her closed-off way as I used to think that she was just using me and didn't love me at all. I am now considering ending the relationship. I really don't want to but my fundamental need to be able to share and work through problems with my partner is impossible in this situation. I'm looking for some hope or insight. Thank you.