Topic: Is 'this' because of Alex?

Uh, I dated a guy maybe... last year. I'm a year younger than u btw. And at first I liked him, but as soon as i found something to dislike I began to reject him mentally more and more, and the more he tried to connect with me, the more I would dislike him until it became an almost physical repulsion. Maybe this sounds similar to u? If he messages me online, I feel sick. after these incidents he seemed to develop some form of obsessive disorder and became like a stalker so I blocked him on every thing though.

I hope that helped. Sorry if it doesn't.

I appreciate the answer, though that doesn't really sound like my own experience ^_^" I understand some of it, but for me it's more "I had this crush, why isn't it there now?"
I convince myself I'm somehow supposed to keep feeling it for X amount of time (as that's how it appears to work for nearly everyone else, especially if they get to date the person - it usually just turns into new relationship energy or something) - it's just incredibly weird and unsettling to me how the feelings can just suddenly disappear/reappear by themselves, and that there's this pattern of it happening that goes back to at least when I was 15.
I've also had a problem not knowing how I'm going to feel the next time I see whoever I'm going out with - any identifiable feelings I've developed during a date/hang out session dissipate to a large extent or to almost nothing when we've parted, then I'm back to not knowing how I really feel about them.
That's very common/normal for me. I should probably break up with them at that point, but logically it seems ridiculous - most people wouldn't consider a few days or weeks long enough to really know. It's like I don't know what it is to be absolutely certain about someone? There's some kind of feeling drawing me in, but also a subtle sense of disconnection that sort of pushes me out again.
I've also ended first dates with a hug; it felt that's what I ought to do otherwise it looks weird and I wouldn't be able to explain myself (betraying the 'meh' inside), rather than being truly compelled to.

I have had other relationships/friendships end where I wanted to get the other person back, too. There's no real rhyme or reason, unfortunately.

With my ex I really wanted to like him back, the way he liked me, but I found myself wanting to keep my distance. I hesitated coming out of toilets when we were out together, felt like I was being smothered even though I really wasn't.

idk, i hear some people mistake admiration? Also the chemicals for the thing people call they "honeymoon stage" (which silly enough, is an actual thing due to what occurs in your body) is a temporary thing caused by chemicals in your body, but can recur towards a person. I get thats science based, and people like to think that they choose who they like or not etc, but to some extent that is not the case. Anyway. Short relationships... a short amount of time can be enough to tell if it's "right" or wrong.

I can tell the difference between admiration and crushing on someone, and this doesn't feel like admiration. If I just admire someone, I don't struggle getting them out of my head - I'm not confused about how I feel towards them. It's just a nice feeling, not something that would make me to ask them out, and its not something that really gets hold of me and is emotionally exhausting. I don't have any control or choice over who I like, either.
If I could choose, it would be to not like anyone ever again (various reasons, but mostly because I hate the stupid roller coaster of confusion and anxiety/depression).

sorry, for just listing possibilities. Maybe your subconscious rejection of the idea causes the constant roller coaster?? :-I
I honestly am running out of ideas, maybe aliens are interfering with your brain?? :D

I didn't mean to come across as being dismissive or anything, so sorry if I did! It's difficult to judge tone in text, unfortunately. It was still a helpful suggestion as it didn't feel right, so that's something I think I can rule out :)
I do believe it exists on a continuum or spectrum, though, so it could be part of the problem if not the root cause.
It's difficult to pin down. Could also be I'm just trying to force something that I shouldn't have agreed to at all, but it doesn't explain the sudden mood crashes where most other people might be OK to carry on, or feel they definitely could walk away :/
I wish it was aliens now XD

You didn't come across as dismissive. Text is very difficult. XD, that's why there are emojis! O_o



Well, goodluck. If you need to contact me privately, idk why though? I have an art account on insta @scarredlightning.create



:D:D:D:D:D:D
p.s, I will go hunt down some aliens, or send them a radio message to brainwash you, if that helps.